Friday, March 28, 2008

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I have no idea if anyone reads this.


And you know what. Recently I actually realised that I don’t care all that much. Once upon a time I felt condemned to a world that existed completely on the surface. I worried my poor little mind about what I might say on this corner of www and what I might not say equally so.


But tonight I realised (sometimes looking back is a hard thing to do) that I had boxes and boxes of things I have written over the years – boxes of paper, tattered, torn and yellowing, Expressing every emotion, lyric, thought, experience through pen and paper and realised that no one had read any of it.


For a long time I wanted to be “somebody, someday”. I wanted to affect someone somewhere by means of nothing else than just being me. I wanted to reach out and touch someone with my thoughts, my actions or my ramblings. I wanted someone to read the contents of those boxes and justify my vain desires.


Ultimately though, the real reason why no-one ever read the contents of those boxes is because deep down I was actually afraid of being judged. I didn’t think I could deal with the idea that I wouldn’t live up to my very own expectations.


But here I am again - that by being the proud owner of a small slice of cyber-realty I can actually put my thoughts out into the world, and consequently open myself up to the potential once again of being judged. Simultaneously however, I have realised that there are so many people out there doing the same. With or without fear they are just doing what I have done for over 20 years, but instead of the pen and paper action, they let their fingers do the talking.


So in this space, I have landed – without fear of judgement and with the same sense of wit and irony I had originally hoped would prompt and illicit a response of any nature and increase my stat counter. Because this space is just me.

8 comments:

amy said...

Hi there! I like you.

cannahanda said...

Bravo petal. You know the world is waiting for you to strut your stuff..

Shannon said...

Writing is a deeply personal thing, so it's completely normal you were worried about sharing it with people.

As a professional writer I feel the same anxiety when I wonder how my work will be received.

But you should rest easy, for you seem to have an amazing talent and no shortage of inspiring and thought-provoking things to say.

editor said...

Thanks everyone.

Much love.

xx

Vesper said...

I have to say, by you writing that, I feel a little better about things. I agree with Shannon.

amy said...

You helped me realize something too... I have felt isolated by certain people for awhile because they consider themselves to be in the "right" corner, and I've worried that a picture would prove me "wrong" in their eyes...just a fun park picture. But maybe I shouldn't have taken it in the first place.

amy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
amy said...

The group I mentioned, I'm not part of anymore. I don't want to treat others the way I've been treated... and they make a living at it. My part had to do with being a teacher, but judging others' thoughts and feelings of their own choosing is not for me.