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I have no idea if anyone reads this.
And you know what. Recently I actually realised that I don’t care all that much. Once upon a time I felt condemned to a world that existed completely on the surface. I worried my poor little mind about what I might say on this corner of www and what I might not say equally so.
But tonight I realised (sometimes looking back is a hard thing to do) that I had boxes and boxes of things I have written over the years – boxes of paper, tattered, torn and yellowing, Expressing every emotion, lyric, thought, experience through pen and paper and realised that no one had read any of it.
For a long time I wanted to be “somebody, someday”. I wanted to affect someone somewhere by means of nothing else than just being me. I wanted to reach out and touch someone with my thoughts, my actions or my ramblings. I wanted someone to read the contents of those boxes and justify my vain desires.
Ultimately though, the real reason why no-one ever read the contents of those boxes is because deep down I was actually afraid of being judged. I didn’t think I could deal with the idea that I wouldn’t live up to my very own expectations.
But here I am again - that by being the proud owner of a small slice of cyber-realty I can actually put my thoughts out into the world, and consequently open myself up to the potential once again of being judged. Simultaneously however, I have realised that there are so many people out there doing the same. With or without fear they are just doing what I have done for over 20 years, but instead of the pen and paper action, they let their fingers do the talking.
So in this space, I have landed – without fear of judgement and with the same sense of wit and irony I had originally hoped would prompt and illicit a response of any nature and increase my stat counter. Because this space is just me.
